If I only had the time…

I’ve always assumed that if I had unlimited time, I would be amazingly productive. I’d meditate regularly, I’d do lots of yoga, I’d work out, my makeup would be perfect and I’d wear perfectly coordinated, well accessorized outfits. For sure, I thought I’d write.

Instead of running to the gym for cardio or Pilates or a swim, instead of running to the barn for a ride, instead of running errands or grocery shopping, instead of running home to take clothes out of the dryer, fold and put away the laundry then cook dinner…if only I was able to get off the endless treadmill of running around, I’d be much so much more: more creative, more introspective, more efficient…I’d be the best me ever!

Now that we’ve collectively gotten more time, especially like me, you’re furloughed and unable to do the majority of activities that made up your days prior to quarantine, you might find yourself feeling oddly adrift. I find myself living the life of an indoor house cat. Sleeping, eating make up my day. Time is broken up to root through the fridge for a snack, then it’s time for another nap. Everything else takes effort.

Not that I’ve totally succumbed to lethargy. Since the quarantine, with no escape from the mess, I’ve cleaned out five closets, reorganized the pantry and spices, organized the essentials to survive sheltering in place. I’ve cooked meals, baked batches of chocolate chip cookies, learned to make whipped coffee and boba tea. I’ve even mastered the elusive capsule wardrobe touted by every influencer and fashionista. My less than 33 item essentials it turns out, consists of four rotating t shirts, three sweats, two leggings, a few PJs. Rounding it off are Ugg slippers, Ugg boots, a robe and my ultimate accessory, the homemade mask.

Coronavirus has stopped us collectively in our tracks. All around the world, streets are empty, stores are shuttered, six feet separates us from all but the most intimate contacts. People are hoarding food, hoarding toilet paper, staring suspiciously at strangers. Packages are sprayed down until they are devoid of living organisms. Hands are washed obsessively. Most connections outside of home are done masked and feel furtive.

Being forced to stay home has eliminated much from our lives. The subtraction of busyness, the distraction of outside activities, the sudden silence of mental and physical noise is a huge change psychologically and physiologically. It takes an adjustment period to get used to this new normal.

All our past activities, even for pleasure, taxed our sympathetic nervous system. The simple act of driving to the drugstore is fraught with tension. The grocery store, with even the currently limited array of goods is an assault on the senses. It’s something I never realized until I hadn’t done it for awhile. All these activities have kept us habituated in adrenal overdrive, amping up, in some good ways and in some bad ways, our stress levels.

This sudden space, time and solitude, is a detox for our nervous system. Maybe even a withdrawal. It’s natural to feel tired, unmotivated and that lying in bed all day with a spoon and a hoarded bottle Nutella, watching YouTube videos on the your phone is a good way to pass the time.

With all the unknowns in the world right now, it’s normal to be anxious. There are some anxieties that we have no control over, and some that we do.

Even now I’ve had fomo– not participating in all the Zoom cocktail parties everyone else seems to be doing. I feel inferior to all the people doing three cardio videos a day, while cooking gourmet meals, gardening and learning three foreign languages while homeschooling children and ironing shirts. Sure, my closets are cleaner, but I’m a sloth in PJs with no desire to wash my hair, much less wear mascara.

It’s time to let go of all that old, self judgmental stuff. It’s time to relax into this new normal, soften the chronically embedded mental, physical, emotional tightness into a new of being. It’s time to let the parasympathetic mode, the part of the nervous system that allows the body to relax, release and reset to do its thing. It’s time to exhale.

I’ve decided that now, since I have the time, I will take my time. I will rest, as much as I need. I will let my body and spirit heal. I will be gentle with my expectations. I will connect with who and what I need to, organically. I will let things grow, unforced, and see where and what blossoms.

Trust Your Gut

Do you trust your gut feelings? Why is it in yoga that the center of personal power is Manipurna, the solar plexus chakra? How do you sometimes “just know” without words? The answers may literally be inside your gastrointestinal system.


First, a quick neuroanatomy lesson. The electrical wiring of of our bodies is the nervous system. The basic cell of the nervous system is the neuron (though like any star, neurons have a supporting cast of cells). Nerves communicate through a chemical and electrical system. Some neurons sense information, some process and store information and some execute actions. Together, the neurons compose the nervous system of the body. One way to look at the nervous system in terms of anatomy– where structures lie in the body: the Central Nervous System, (CNS) is the brain and spinal cord, protected by bone. There are about 100 billion cells in the central nervous system alone! The Peripheral Nervous System is all the nerves outside the brain and spinal cord. The nervous system is also classified by function–conscious and unconscious activities. The Somatic Nervous System controls the voluntary movements of the body, like flexing a bicep. Unconscious functions are controlled by the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), which runs all the processes of the body we don’t usually think about, like circulation of blood, the regulation of breathing and the digestion of food.


The ANS has three parts. The Sympathetic nervous system, responsible for “fight or flight” responses, the Parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for “rest and digest” responses. The third part of the ANS is the enteric nervous system (ENS). I believe the Enteric NErvous System is why you should trust your gut feelings and part of why Manipurna is located at the level of the stomach.


The ENS is anatomically different from the rest of the ANS. The parasympathetic and sympathetic systems are tied to the brain and spinal cord. The ENS is made of a mass of neural tissue embedded along nine meters our guts, from the esophagus to the anus, including our stomach and intestines. It contains  about 500 million neurons. Compared to the CNS, that doesn’t seem like a lot, until you consider that the majority of the neurons of the CNS lie within the brain. In terms of cells outside the brain, the ENS has the most neurons in its system. Traditionally, ENS is described as coordinating the complex mechanical and chemical processing of food in our body. The ENS can and does operate independently of the CNS, thereby called “the second brain”, though the two brains do communicate via the “brain-gut axis”. We are aware of this connection when a mental stressor causes heartburn (increased acid production in the stomach and a relaxation of the esophageal sphincter) or the sensation of “butterflies in the stomach”. Since language and words are part of the CNS, communication from the ENS can seem to have no words– just feelings or simply a sensation of knowing.


New research is being done on this old wisdom in our bodies, in the field of neurogastroenterology. The aim is to treat diseases via this brain-gut system. Our knowledge about this complex system is expanding and evolving constantly. For example, there is a new appreciation for the neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which are involved in regulating moods like happiness and more subtle moods like satiety that are present in the enteric system.


There is a vast system in our body, observing the environment, processing information, making assessments outside of the brain.  Because words and conscious thoughts are at the level of the brain, messages from your gut are often in the form of wordless or hard to describe sensations and feelings. As humans, we are so tuned into words and thoughts, we miss these messages and don’t tend to tune into this vast and innate intelligence.


So how can you harness your brain-gut axis?


First, start by listening. You already know when you are shocked that  you feel “sucker punched” or when something is so wrong it “makes you sick to your stomach”. Listen to those feelings embedded in your body and you will start to become aware of more messages. A second way is by observing your body’s reactions. Do certain foods cause heartburn?  Your body is telling you that it doesn’t like the offending food. Change your food choices and notice how you feel. Another habit to develop is noting how you feel emotionally before and after eating particular foods. An obvious one is craving something sweet: is it really from hunger– or is it a response to anxiety or fatigue? Is the crash after the pleasure of the initial sugar rush worth it? (Sometimes it is, that’s okay, too.) Keeping a food/mood diary for a few days can be eye opening. When you see the before and after patterns particular foods cause, it’s easier to manage the cravings and indulge wisely. You can do the same thing for people, places and situations. What does your gut have to tell you about your habits?


Another way to use your gut is to simply ask it questions. You can ask yourself, “Is this what I really need? Is this good for me?” Listen to the answer. You don’t need to limit yourself to asking your gut about food. Sit or lie down somewhere quiet, place your hands lightly over your belly, take a few deep breaths and ask your gut for advice or insight to problems. Don’t be dismayed if an immediate answer doesn’t come, it may later because the ENS processes information differently than the brain. Remember that gut messages may not come in words, they may come the form of a quiet thought or feeling  or sudden idea.


Ask your gut. Trust your gut. You’ve always known that and now you know there’s science behind it.




The First Five Pounds of Inertia


 I don’t know about you, but I find that weight gain creeps up on me. It starts with a few days of indulgent eating, a few skipped skipped sessions at the gym, a few late nights. At first, it seems okay.  Our modern clothes, especially athleisure clothes which are so popular are designed to be forgiving— forgiving of sweat, forgiving of movement, and forgiving of weight gain. Even the last bastions of one hundred percent cotton– men’s undershirts and jeans, now commonly incorporate stretch fiber. On one hand, it’s great that our clothes breathe better, move with you comfortably and wrinkle less, but a rise in five pounds of weight is less noticeable than when we dressed in stiffer fabrics and fitted clothes.

     Five pounds is the critical mass at which a waistband feels tight and zippers start to strain—five pounds equals one dress size. That’s just the clothes. At an extra five pounds on the body, the stress on lumbar intervertebral discs increases, possibly resulting in back pain. With five extra pounds of belly fat, insulin regulation starts to become unbalanced and it’s easier to get into the cycle of sugar cravings, caffeine highs followed by inevitable afternoon energy crashes.

     For me, with the creep of just five pounds, I start to feel depressed.  My clothes feel tight, my gym outfits show unflattering lumps, my energy starts to flag.  Even thinking about going to the gym or out for a run seems daunting. It feels so much easier just to lounge on the couch, eat ice cream and watch The Last Jedi. Again.


     Isaac Newton can shed light on how to break out of this sad cycle.

     Newton’s first law, the Law of Inertia, states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless a acted upon by a force.  With weight gain, that extra five pounds of flab just became the weight of inertia keeping us on the sofa and off the trajectory of a health.

     Healthy weight loss, which is losing fat rather than water and muscle, for the average person is about one pound a week (a half pound for the smaller, up to two for the larger). It can take at least thirty days—about the time it takes to form a new habit, before the results of a fitness routine is felt. In the first ten of those thirty days, as the weight comes off incrementally, it feels impossible, like nothing is going to change, and that those five pounds (or more) will never budge. The second ten days gets a little easier, and then in the last ten days of building a healthy habit– clothes feel better, the body moves more freely, metabolism improves and the benefits of your new habit becomes self-reinforces the habit.

     Any change requires getting past the inertia—it takes energy (remember, Newton said it takes a force to change inertia) especially in first ten days to create or recreate good habits.  Hang in there! Losing the first five pounds is a matter of putting in the energy and having faith that the inertia is moving. So get going, and know that a first you’re fighting inertia—and remember, once you get moving, a body in motion stays in motion.


This a repost from my previous blog.